I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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