Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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