so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
