i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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