the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
