What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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