You were right. It hurts to walk today.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
