I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
