Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
