Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Randomize
