I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
