I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
