My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize