You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
