There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
