If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
