After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
