they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
