But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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