you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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