went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
