While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
