So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
