Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
