I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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