If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
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