We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
