i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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