I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
