omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
