Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
