Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
