you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
