he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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