Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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