ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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