Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
