cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
and she was petting her beer can
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
