escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize