So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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