and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
