oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
