well I can't set my house on fire every night
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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