"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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