Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
