Who wears a wallet chain?!
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
