I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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