I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
