I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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