1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
