they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize
