I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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