Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
