my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
