oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
