Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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