did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
