Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize