It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
