I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I think people are normalizing furries
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
