I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
