and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
only if we run a train.
done.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
