he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
