I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Randomize
