I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
