the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
