Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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