new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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