How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
