I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
