were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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