Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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