I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Randomize
