I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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